• Michael Anthony

5 ways to improve the Communication in your marriage!


Nothing ends a marriage like a lack of communication!


We've all been there! Entangled in an argument that has seemed to have started out of nowhere. All it took was something as minor as leaving a dish in the sink, and BOOM y'all are down a long rabbit hole! It turns into a horrible courtroom drama with no moderator.





Did you remember the worst argument you've ever had with your spouse or ex? How did it make you feel? Did yall break up over a petty disagreement? Was it worth it? During arguments, we tend to say things we don't mean. Which is why we gotta keep our cool and remain calm.


Communication can be tricky! On many occasions, we don't say what's really on our minds in fear of hurting our significant other. Because of that one of two things happens, either we let it go (this is rare) or we hold on to it and let it fester. Which 9 out of 10 its the latter.


THIS IS NOT HEALTHY!


Holding on to it is never the option! Do you know the ramifications of that action? Holding on and not expressing your feelings only makes it worse in the long run. At the time it might seem small. But with time, the small stuff adds up to a huge problem. Sometimes your partner doesn't have the same basic understandings as you, so being patient is a huge key! Here are 5 ways to improve communication and hopefully this can change how you handle things with your significant lover!



5) Listen without your guard up!



This might be the most difficult of them all! How many of us listen to understand? Truth is most of us are guilty of only listening to respond. Instead of doing the latter, actually, LISTEN! There is no right or wrong when it comes to how your spouse feels. Give your spouse the freedom to voice their opinions without the fear of being cut down. It is easy to want to interrupt him or her and comment with your own thoughts on the topic being discussed, DON'T! Listening with the hopes of coming to an understanding is so valuable and vital to any marriage!

Everyone wants to be heard! Not just women, but men as well want to be heard. Everyone wants to feel like their issues and points are important to you as well. When your spouse is voicing their issues, try this:


1) Stop doing anything that you're doing (PUT THAT PHONE DOWN)

2) Look your spouse in the eyes!

3) Listen to the words that are coming out of their mouths!

4) Acknowledge what was said!

5) Apologize!




Just this part alone can improve your marriage tremendously! From the first time you apply this, you'll instantly see an improvement in chemistry y'all will gain😁!



4) ASK THE HARD QUESTIONS!


"Is there anything I can do to improve us"? This should be a question that is asked at least once every 3 months. It is so important to address the negative clouds that are hovering over your marriage from time to time. The more ask your spouse these questions, the more you get to know and understand how they act and react to every situation.


Now you've asked, watch how you react. Remember you need to listen to understand. The answers you may get may upset you. However, you can't have a weak heart when it comes to marriage. So when you ask this question immediately GET OUT OF YOUR FEELINGS AND LISTEN!


At times we don't know the questions to ask our spouses to improve communication. Here are some questions that you can ask your spouse:

1) How Can I Make You Feel Loved?

2) Can You Help Me Understand What's Bothering You?

3) What Are You Most Passionate About?

4) What Can I Do To Make It Up To You?

5) What Can I Do To Support You?


You'll be surprised how significant that will be to your significant other!




3) Enforce Positive Feelings!


Admit it, it is so easy to give negative feedback. In marriage, we easily forget about the positive things about our spouse as soon as something negative happens. As soon as a mess-up happens some are quick to throw out insults! Hey, you need to stop and take a deep breath!


Understand that positive compliments go a long way. As quick as you are to insult or throw out negative feedback, try starting off with a compliment. Try starting off acknowledging the positives they bring into your life. Studies have shown and proven that people respond better to your feedback when a compliment leads the conversation.


Make a Habit of Giving Positive Feedback



Telling your partner what they do right on a regular basis will make it easier for them to listen when you have a complaint. Positive feedback fuels growth. Couples who give compliments when they're deserved establish a pattern of good relationship communication.




2) Make spending time a daily habit!


Did you know, the average couple only spends 20 minutes a week catching up! To know we spend most of our time watching other people live (social media, T.V., or at work). Turn off the technology and make it a point to spend 20-30 minutes a day catching up with each other. Instead of turning on the T.V. to catch up on your favorite show. Take the time to catch up with your favorite person!



For me, my spouse would be my best friend! So why wouldn't I want to know everything that happened in your day? Tell me everything!😁 Questions like:


1) How was your day?

2) What was the highlight of your day?

3) What was the worse highlight of your day?

4) What did you eat for lunch?


Asking questions like this makes their day seem so important to you! As well as it should be! Engaging with them about their day as well as talking about yours, strengthens you guy's bond tremendously. Re-establishing a bond every day is what a marriage needs. With work, kids, and daily life it's easy to put your spouse on the back burner. This is so dangerous for marriages. You made a vow to put him or her first! You don't ever want your significant other to feel like they don't matter. Half an hour a day will improve your communication tenfold.



1) SPEAK UP!


The first step in Improving Communication In Your Marriage is to first speak up! Your spouse is not a mind reader. You have to tell them what's on your mind. How do you expect them or your situation to change if there is no dialogue? Do you think it's worth holding it in?


Let your voice be heard! By not speaking up you're just causing more stress on you and your body. If you continue to let things that make you uncomfortable happen on your watch, understand this IT'S YOUR FAULT! A close mouth doesn't get fed! In most marriages, people tend to hold a lot in, in hopes of letting it go. Do you know what normally happens? You don't let it go, instead, it eats at you! It eats at you so bad you first start arguing with them mentally. You hold it in as much as you could, but then it happens.


You go off! It's like a volcano! You've finally built up too much and it's now loose. You say everything that has been bothering you, but you're screaming. When this happens your point normally gets distorted and now you guys are having a screaming match. It's not fair! All you had to do was speak up when the minor offense bothered you. Honesty should be the first rule in every marriage! Yes, it might be so hard to do but the reward is worth the risk!


https://www.mylovethinks.com/how-to-speak-up-in-your-relationship-without-having-a-fight/


So you gotta ask yourself!


Did you lose someone so amazing because of the lack of communication?


Do you understand the proper ways to communicate with your spouse?


The truth is we are constantly evolving. There are so many ways to learn, understand, and love your partner. The trick is to first understand how he or she learns. There are seven different learning styles of learning. Once you figure out your style of learning the more you'll understand your spouse. My advice to all is don't let your pride get in the way of an amazing connection. Understand that communication is everything in your marriage!


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